Author: Precious Kilpatrick RN, MSN AGACNP-BC
As the holidays start to roll around with all its cheer and great tidings of joy. Many people don’t feel so cheerful or joyous. The holidays for many people are lonely, sad, and stressful. These feelings lead to isolation and in turn a deepening loneliness and sadness. However, recognizing holiday triggers can be helpful for coping with the blues that come along with the holiday.
Why Are You Sad?
Recognizing the triggers of holiday sadness can be helpful to tap into coping strategies. It may take some reflecting to identify triggers, or it may already be apparent what your triggers are. Time of reflection can be in the form journaling or simply talking to someone you feel comfortable with; someone that allows you to express your feelings without judgement.
Grief
One major trigger for many is grief. With life, there is loss, whether through death or absence of a loved one through a broken relationship. The holidays may bring with them good and not so good memories of holidays past with someone who is no longer in your life. The memories can cause sadness of unresolved issues or just emotional pain of no longer having them around. The grief felt can give way to loneliness.
Loneliness
Expressing your feelings surrounding a lost or absent loved one isn’t always easy. You many think its burdensome to tell someone about what you are feeling and choose rather to isolate which can exacerbate feelings of sadness and cause feelings of loneliness.
Family Conflict
At the heart of many families unfortunately, is conflict. Unresolved family conflict can last for years and even decades. It a great source of angst for many around the holidays. Instead for spending time making joyful memories, there is conflict that many members refuse to set aside for a myriad of reasons. Family conflict is the source of great sadness and pain for many families. It is also a reason why many families choose not to come together perhaps the way they once did in years past. The disruption of that norm is grief inducing.
Expectations
Another reason for holiday sadness is expectations. The giving of gifts, where the holidays will be spent, and unexpected absences. The commercial aspect of the holiday season can be a source of sadness for financial reasons such as not being able to afford to buy gifts from someone who may be expecting them. Or you may be the one who was expecting a gift that wasn’t given. Couples may have different desires on where to spend the holidays. College-aged or grown children may decide to spend the holidays somewhere different resulting in an unexpected absence.
Practical Coping Strategies
So how do you get through the holidays season with the blues hanging on to you? It may seem a difficult task. But it is not impossible. The Serenity Prayer is a faith-based encouragement for understanding what you cannot control. It says:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Understanding your own limitations in dealing with the underlying reasons for sadness is useful is seeking some resolve and peace within yourself.
We cannot control others’ behaviors. Unfortunately, some reasons for sadness involve other humans. Whatever the reason for any conflict, the truth is we can only control our own behavior. We have the power to make changes to our actions. We cannot change the past, but the changes we make personally can impact the future in positive ways.
Here are some practical strategies you can use to help you find some holiday cheer.
1. Self- compassion. Life can be hard on you, but you don’t have to be. Show yourself some love and kindness just as you would to someone you cherish in a time of sadness. Don’t beat yourself up for the way you are feeling. Don’t use negative self-talk. Combat negative self-talk with positive affirmations and understanding. Give yourself some space to allow your sad feelings.
2. Self -Care. Self-compassion allows you to care for yourself. Caring for yourself inside and out is also showing yourself compassion. Getting sufficient rest and sleep play an important role in your mood and mental health. Quality sleep is essential because its restorative to our bodies which allows us to continue to function optimally. Additionally, good nutrition, physical exercise and proper hygiene all are components of self-care.
3. Boundaries. Establishing and/or maintaining healthy boundaries with others is a form of self-care and self-compassion. Boundaries can be physical and emotional. Certain situations or events can cause emotional overwhelm. Putting boundaries in place by knowing your limits in situations (this includes financial) will allow you to avoid or extract yourself at the point of pending overwhelm. Establishing boundaries on the front end will save you anguish in the end.
4. Connect with supportive people. Connect with people who affirm and support you without judgement. It can bring joy and happiness to an otherwise flat existence. There is such beauty in finding connectedness with other people. Human connection can be healing.
5. Do things that bring you joy. We all have things that make us smile and bring a child-like joy. Birdwatching, standing in front a beautiful vast ocean at sunrise, hearing a symphony, the feel of a plush blanket wrapped around you while you sip hot cocoa. There are endless things that are joy provokers. Explore them.
6. Seek Help. Sadness is a normal human emotion. However, the inability to navigate out of sadness may signal the need to seek professional help. There are many resources available and professionals that are available to speak with about your situation. But you must reach out and not allow yourself to succumb to shame. The value of mental health can’t be overstated.
Conclusion
During the holidays it is important to acknowledge that sadness is normal occurrence for many due to grief, loneliness, family conflicts and expectations. It is equally important to understand the triggers of sadness and employ coping strategies to lessen the weight of holiday sadness and help with navigation through a difficult season.
Sources
American Psychological Association. (2023, November 30). Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress for most Americans [Press release]. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2024, February). Caring for your mental health. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health
UTSW expert: Resilience strategies can help avert holiday blues. UT Southwestern Medical Center. (n.d.). https://www.utsouthwestern.edu/newsroom/articles/year-2023/dec-resilience-strategies.html Assessed and Endorsed by the MedReport Medical Review Board